The Special BFF =)

gossip we dont stop
heart2heart spills too
shopping we go crazy
camwhoring made easy
cheeky sex talks dont escape us
fashion critiques are we
through thick and thin
we make it through
from hatred before
inseparable now

she doesnt give a damn
talks me down good
cares for me like no other
mummys me, im her baby
scolds me when im wrong
takes pride where due
this girl knows me
inside and out
im blessed to have her

she’s gorgeous
with a big golden heart
fearless with her words
fashion queen extraordinaire
don’t judge a book by its cover
(dont know why people do =( )
cause she’s the sweetest you’ll ever find

the diva herself –Ms.Ashwini Nair =)

Chayang,
I know i dont appreciate you enough. i just want to say Thank you for always being there for me, for listening to my rants and raves when you really dont want to and though it’ll end up upsetting you. i’m sorry if i ever did you wrong or hurt you in any way, please know its never my intention. i am TOO blessed and grateful to God for the presence of someone like you to have touched my life with your friendship and changed it for the better! =)

I luv you to bits!

so here’s to:
Many more years of friendship!
many more camwhoring sessions!
many more shopping mall attacks!

BFF Forever!

ps: the “boyfriend” better start appreciating a good thing!

Crash & Burn

looking at the rate im going
i have a VERY STRONG gut feeling
that im gonna crash & burn very soon

sleeping at 5am every morning
waking at approximately 10am everyday
surviving 3hour lectures everyday
how do i spend the rest of my time?
staring at the computer screen the whole day
overworking my brain to think
stabbing the keyboard
this is so bad!

headaches
sniffles
irritable throat
all warning signs!

i wonder how much longer i can last? =(

 am craving so much for cotton candy ice-cream, tequila shots, sugar frosted cupcakes, soft baby blanket and much needed sleep!

am craving for you too. =(

vermillion streaks

slice my skin
and let me bleed
blood so red
it overflows
slice it hidden
scars unseen
so no one questions
all but me

slice my skin
let me feel
numb it all
but pain and me
feels too good
alone and broken
in dark silence
i am whole.

i dont need you,
i have it and me.

un-amanda.

the name amanda means ‘worthy of love’

look into her soul
you’d see her heart breaking
from holding on too long
to a dream not worth chasing
it obvious to all even to her
that its pointless confessing
gets no one nowhere
and yet she’s still clinging

try as she might
the bond aint breaking
her heart once captured
its forever in the making
of time spent together
talking and laughing
moments she remembers
arent really worth preserving

going round in circles
her own tail she’s chasing
from one heartbreak to another
with tears she’s flitting
wish it would stop already
these silly nothings
to lose it all and cut all ties
she doesnt want anything

i loved you, still do
its been a few years and counting
i gave you my all
my heart, my everything
but hey, just throw it all away okay?
it dont mean nothing to you after all.

Xiào

despite how im feeling
i choose not to express
words are better left unsaid
to keep up appearances

i try my best to be calm
taking it all in
spewing none in return
its not easy to do
but i do it anyway
in turn of respect to you

you may think me rude
for being so abrupt
but i think i deserve
this once chance
to be able to express
at least this way
and not say the things i wish to

i dont know how to get to you
i dont think i ever will
i just hope i can stay patient
until i get away
cause you’re definitely
not gonna see the light of day

i love you
but i hate feeling like this.

never talk straight

i love you
i hate you
you make me smile
you make me cry
make me hope
crash me down
lift me up
drown me in
say nice things
keep silent
missing you
forget you
pull me closer
push away
make me weak
im stronger
kiss me bite me
stay away from me
melt me
ice me
call me sweet
call me slut
chill with me
ignore me
love me
abuse me
everything about you screams yes
but my everything screams no
wish i was your sweetheart
not merely your project
everything i hate about you
is everything i love too.

yes, you…
who’s never online.

the good side of love

this strange and foreign thing,
this incomprehensible idea,
this bipolar feeling,
L-O-V-E

its amazing what love can do.

you suddenly take notice in what you wear,
how you walk, talk, act,
you find yourself changing,
changing into someone you never knew you could be.

makes everything so enjoyable,
the world seems like a better place,
everything seems to be so vibrant, bright and full of life,
you would think you’re imagining things
cause sounds seem so much more melodious
your taste buds are tantalized more than usual
you skin heightened to every sensation
the world around you seems to be bursting with colors

love becomes philosophical
confirming the theory of existentialists
gives a sense of purpose in life,
gives a sense of belonging
makes you want to excel in things
to be the best
to impress the person

you suddenly discover the mirror.
same preference for food, music, interests,
synced communication styles,
the finishing off of each other's sentences.
the gravitational force towards each other.

so who are you exactly now?
did love change you into someone different?
…or did love bring out the best in you?

if only you knew
how you’ve changed me
for so much better

abusive self

you know how they say
an abused person
will most likely end up an abuser?
i know such a person

and its a sad thing. really.

Blessed Love!

signature poses! =P

since the year of 2004
we shared ups downs and so much more
in love and faith in Christ we grew
friends like these are only but few
six years and counting
with many more years coming
blessed rings to symbolize us now here
with love in our hearts and nothing to fear
cheers to us, i love you dears!

to note:
we are all wearing the same rings
all of which we took to bless
yeap, we were THAT gungho about it!
but hey, BFFs in Christ forever! =)

they called her love
she is love
and she is all i need.
(wish you spoke these words)

what makes my world go round?

i grew up in a loving family
who kept traditions alive
where manners, religion
and family respect was crucial
spending time together
was a norm and an enjoyment
hugs and kisses were aplenty
full of love care and share

i grew up on rollercoaster friendships
friends came and went
of fighting for attention
through letters and vulgarities
then there were shallow ones
which were only but conveniences
but some sustained and strengthened
yet still i deem myself scared
in fear of losing another friendship

i grew up rather awkwardly
bodily parts grew
too soon before time
never adjusted to sports
grew unadventurous in food
afraid of all living breathing things alike
with paranoia of the paranormal
rhythm was totally outta the question

i grew up with a few relationships
of puppy loves and one sided loves
of opposing loves and useless loves
one was really great
taught me how to love again
but differences tore us apart
all the same story
all the same line
ended up in me cutting all ties

something happened
something changed
grew afraid to love
trust thrown out the window
depression came and went
change in thoughts words and deeds
i was never the same after

all the times ive given up
all the times ive battered myself
what keeps me going
to be grateful in prayer
is my family and closest of friends
undying unfaltering unwavering
forever love care and support
to keep me positive in mind
and keep hoping in God
to always look on the brighter side of life

so no doubt it breaks me
if affects me in everything
but i will never let it get me down
i may never have great relationships
trust intimacy love will always be an issue
but one thing i do know for sure
i’ve got these people to fall back on:
God, my family and my closest of friends!

so this goes out to the ones closest to my heart right now!
you all know who you are
- I LOVE YOU ALL!

heck, I survived the damn depression y’all!
after all, what doesnt break you
only makes you stronger!

I’d lie.

she looks in the mirror
what does she see?
a girl trapped within
trying to break free

she used to be bubbly
all fun and cheer
with nothing to worry
and holds no fear

everyone asks her
whats happening
she only but smiles
a single answer, “nothing”

if only they knew
how she felt inside
even she didn't know
but there was a divide

the past of the past
she thought was gone
but threatens her future
and the present haunt

she needs to seek help
she knows very well so
but too broken within
she doesn’t go

questions she ponder
who is she?
do i even know her?
is she really…me?

i hope in love
a distraction so true
to find worth again
and be changed anew.

this is me.

mum sent this to me through email
wonder what she’s trying to say =P
but its true!

One Flaw In Women

Women have strengths that amaze men.....
They bear hardships and they carry burdens,
but they hold happiness, love and joy.
They smile when they want to scream.
They sing when they want to cry.
They cry when they are happy
and laugh when they are nervous.
They fight for what they believe in..
They stand up to injustice.
They don't take "no" for an answer
when they believe there is a better solution.
They go without so their family can have.
They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.
They love unconditionally.
They cry when their children excel
and cheer when their friends get awards.
They are happy when they hear about
a birth or a wedding.
Their hearts break when a friend dies.
They grieve at the loss of a family member,
yet they are strong when they
think there is no strength left.
They know that a hug and a kiss
can heal a broken heart.
Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors.
They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you
to show how much they care about you.
The heart of a woman is what
makes the world keep turning.
They bring joy, hope and love.
They have compassion and ideas.
They give moral support to their
family and friends.
Women have vital things to say
and everything to give.
HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE FLAW IN WOMEN,
IT IS THAT THEY FORGET THEIR WORTH.

i feel unworthy,
i really do.

senses overload

she tried her best not to look at him
her eyes betraying her beneath her lashes
if only for just one glimpse
could make her weak at her knees
fill her mind with giddiness
catch her breath and skip it
make her heart race faster
she just couldn't think

he hadn’t even walked into the room
and yet she could feel his presence
her every sense coming alive
as though searching to be tantalized
just to set her eyes on him, his smile
to breathe in his musky scent
to hear his voice ringing clear
just to graze his skin
and certainly to kiss him
even if it meant her dreaming

in a room full of people
he made his way around the crowd
if only to acknowledge her
he could’ve just nodded
it would’ve been enough for her
but he made it a point to say hi
and to her surprise
he took the seat beside her
her every sense was fulfilled
and possibly launched into overload

throughout the night
no one else mattered
nothing else did either
everyone was talking
the music was blaring
but all she heard was silence
with only him by her side
to have shared a glass
meant to have shared a kiss
for two lips touched
but just one rim

if only dreams came true
and i was meant for you
but alas, fairytales like these
hardly ever do.

i rhymed for you, sigh
whatever will i do?
it aint good to be like this
hung up over you.

Taylor Swift Love note =P

Hey Stephen,

i was only fifteen when i first saw you, the best day of my life. Thought the you were the one, my love story to be. That forever and always, you belong with me. I was invisible but you made me fearless by making me feel like i had a place in this world. You had the most beautiful eyes and each time i looked at you, i couldn’t breathe. Well, i guess that’s just the way i loved you. When Tim McGraw sang Mary’s Song (Oh My My My), i wish we had our song too. Last Christmas, the White Christmas, i gave you a perfectly good heart, saying Santa Baby, I’m only me when i’m with you. something soon happened. You told me you don’t love me, that you were not Prince Charming on the white horse. I asked you to tell me why, why you’re not sorry, what brought on the change of heart. All I heard was “Stay beautiful on the outside.” before you walked off. I tried my best to maintain composure. anyone could see, i was tied together with a smile, leaving teardrops on my guitar under my umbrella. It was a silent night when i thought “Christmas must be something more, especially Christmases when you were mine.” Im thinking yes, when i should’ve said no, especially to someone as cold as you. Well, guess what baby, in my hand was our picture to burn.

 

all the underlined words are Taylor Swift song titles =)
am so addicted to her songs!
She is such a great lyricist! She speaks my heart!

could it be?
that the reason
you like white horse
is a message to me?

Thesis turmoil!

i feel like im stuck in a maze
turning each corner
only to reach a dead end
ive tried all ways
tried going over
tried going under
tried different turnings
im still bloody stuck!

please, just a hint
just a direction
help me find backup
show me proof of past successions
enlighten me
and take this burden off me
i beg you please!

for the first time
in my entire life
i feel so insignificantly small
so very stressed
so broken down
so helpless lost and desolate
this is killing me!

so please oh please i beg you
help me focus on a topic
guide me through it
and me through!

you’re a maze of your own too. sigh.

Stand up for God!

i was never one to dabble in these things
but this is too much to keep quiet about!

so much for peace and harmony
so much for being united as one
so much for compromise and understanding
so much for acceptance and freewill
so much for respect!
so much for freedom of speech

for goodness sake
stop the darn attacks already!
you’re only making fools of yourselves
to the entire world
showing how childish you are over the subject
you should be embarrassed about yourselves
there are better ways to deal with things, you know?!

if you’re not happy,
just deal with it
or find other means to deal with it!
dont take it out on the places of worship
if you have no respect for the people
at least have respect for the higher One!
you dont see us retaliating, do you?!

So Catholics out there,
this is not a time to be taking down rosaries
or hiding away in fear
stand up, be courageous!
be proud that you are standing up for God!
trust in the Lord and He will see us through.

do not retaliate with force or anger
do not stoop down to their level
to do the same as they did us
instead hope in the Lord and pray for them
that they may have open minds
and that they realize how much more damage they are doing instead!

Give us courage Lord!
through these troubled times!

it doesnt matter, cause you don’t care

i  hate letting you take control of me like this.
you have my heart, my mind, my thoughts, my lips, my hands, my breaths -my everything. 
but heck, you don’t even care,
i bet you don’t even know it.

so why should i bother?
but i do anyway.sigh.everysingleday.

darling, wake me up!

kiss me my darling
make me yours
take my breath
take me by force

hold me my darling
don’t let go
hold me tightly
have me crave more

slap me my darling
make me know
you’re lying to me
its all for show

who are you darling?
just someone
someone dear
no one but fun

if only you knew darling
how i felt
who you are
to make me melt

but never darling
will you be mine
you’re no good
it just takes time

you just wait and see,
i’ll get over you.

Schedule's out!

this is how my schedule looks like:

Monday      : 3 hour lecture

Tuesday      : 3 hour lecture

Wednesday : 2 hour lecture

Thursday     :  FREE!

Friday         : 1 hour lecture

why i <3 it:

• I've got Thursday off! which means i can go ladies on Wednesday nights! 

why i hate it:

• stupid friday class throws the whole thing off balance! 
• i couldnt take another subject because it clashed with my friday class
• the whole problem is caused by my stupid 1hr friday class -annoying!
• id be alone for one subject, i really dont know anyone there...

on the bright side,
new schedule = busy times,

busy times = occupied mind,

occupied mind = stop thoughts of you! =)

.weak.

stupid silly girl, i am.

the year of 2010

things i want to do this year:

1. enjoy college
2. spend more time with loved ones
3. read more books
4. get myself in shape (other than round)
5. club frequently =) hehe

love ya loads peeps! im on my most positive behaviour! i promise!

6. get over you!