what makes my world go round?

i grew up in a loving family
who kept traditions alive
where manners, religion
and family respect was crucial
spending time together
was a norm and an enjoyment
hugs and kisses were aplenty
full of love care and share

i grew up on rollercoaster friendships
friends came and went
of fighting for attention
through letters and vulgarities
then there were shallow ones
which were only but conveniences
but some sustained and strengthened
yet still i deem myself scared
in fear of losing another friendship

i grew up rather awkwardly
bodily parts grew
too soon before time
never adjusted to sports
grew unadventurous in food
afraid of all living breathing things alike
with paranoia of the paranormal
rhythm was totally outta the question

i grew up with a few relationships
of puppy loves and one sided loves
of opposing loves and useless loves
one was really great
taught me how to love again
but differences tore us apart
all the same story
all the same line
ended up in me cutting all ties

something happened
something changed
grew afraid to love
trust thrown out the window
depression came and went
change in thoughts words and deeds
i was never the same after

all the times ive given up
all the times ive battered myself
what keeps me going
to be grateful in prayer
is my family and closest of friends
undying unfaltering unwavering
forever love care and support
to keep me positive in mind
and keep hoping in God
to always look on the brighter side of life

so no doubt it breaks me
if affects me in everything
but i will never let it get me down
i may never have great relationships
trust intimacy love will always be an issue
but one thing i do know for sure
i’ve got these people to fall back on:
God, my family and my closest of friends!

so this goes out to the ones closest to my heart right now!
you all know who you are
- I LOVE YOU ALL!

heck, I survived the damn depression y’all!
after all, what doesnt break you
only makes you stronger!