Five Months <3

Five months have gone by
Since she first laid eyes on the guy
Five months of friendship
Which soon turned into courtship
Five months of which led to nowhere
Hanging in the middle, not here nor there
Five months of great conversations
Hanging out and a whole lot of emotions
Five months of warmth closeness and security
Questions doubts mistrust and insecurity
Five months of ironic bittersweet
Something of which was not an easy feat
Five months of constant daily contact
Despite the struggles still remain intact
Five months of teasing and laughter
With a mix of arguments tears and fear
Five months of push and pulls
One must think they were quite the fools
Five months of evading inquiries
Just answered the necessities
Five months of new beginnings
Ones that finalized old endings
Five months of renewed hope
With strength and new courage to cope
Five months of seemingly impossible
Now seemingly made possible
Five months of pure joy
She was a blushing schoolgirl so coy
Five months of hidden motives and desires
Eventually outed both them liars
Five months of building trust
Of which could never come fast
Five months By Golly Five months!
Thank You Lord for such a hunk!

Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

2010 Recap

2010, an ironic bittersweet year so grand
ups and downs with laughter tears and frowns
of closings and new beginnings
overall, a great year all in all =)

January
Blessed matching “love” rings.

February
Mist Emergency Rendezvous.
Chinese New Year in Penang.
Lenten Internet Sacrifice.
Kevin Avinash’s surprise party.
Wendy’s open house.
RYM Feed the Poor.

March
Singapore trip + Paramore concert (K).
Zee Avi concert (CSK).
Heartbreak talk.
Haircut.
Shaine’s 22nd drama (CSK).
Asha’s sister’s Hen Night & Wedding.

April
Easter Supper at Vanessa’s.
Seafood Dinner.
Catechist District Bollywood fellowship.

May
West Side Story musical.
Uncle Francis’ birthday.
Mist.

June
Catechist Recollection Weekend at Genting.
JYM Concert of Love.

July
Andrea Leong’s 21st (CK).
Dad’s birthday at Italiannies.
Andrea’s farewell + Tommy’s birthday (CK).
RYM Cafeteria.
RYM Mass.
Kimberly Wee’s farewell.

August
Vanessa & Chris wedding (Langkawi & Melaka).
Meteor Shower (KJt).
Father Philip Appreciation Dinner (KS).
Reluctant Saint Musical (CSKJt).
Bus Company with the girlfriends (CK).
RYM Durian Buffet.
PotterClay Interview.

September
Birthday surprises (include: Birthday lunch with A. Midnight cake with Jt. Sunday School cake. PotterClay cake. Dinner with the girlfriends (CSK))
Italiannies with family +2 (Jt).
PotterClay Camp.

October
Karen’s 22nd (CSK).
Mist Halloween drama (KJt).
Genting roadtrip (Jt).

November
Melaka with the girlfriends (CSK).
Wendy’s 21st.
Chloe’s 22nd.
PotterClay Graduation.
Grandfather’s birthday in Penang.
Catechist Dinner (CSKJt).
Harry Potter midnight movie surprise (Jt).
RYM Camp (CSKJt).

December
JYM Advent Dinner (Jt).
KLIA sendoff (Jt).
Christmas Visiting.
Mist (K).
RYM Christmas Party.

So this is Christmas

It's that time of the year again! Presents, red or green or white or any other colorful decoration, Christmas tree, Santa Claus & yummy food! Or is it...? Shouldn't Christmas be about Jesus?!

Speaking of presents, how do you choose your presents? I love Christmas because I get to shop and not feel guilty about spending! Because I AM buying for others after all, and not me...Teehee.

The size of the object matters not. For sometimes, the best gifts come in the smallest size. Think how the world received the greatest gift of all a few million years ago in the smallest size of the baby Jesus.

It doesn't matter how it's wrapped, the content is what matters. Think how the baby Jesus was not born in a grand hotel, but in a lowly manger, wrapped in swaddling clothes.

It doesn't matter the pricetag, it is the thought that counts. God gave the world the most priceless gift ever by giving us His only Son.

So this Christmas, as much as I'd love expensive charms and new clothes and any other materialistic things (I still would love them *winks*), I take today to thank the Lord for showering me with plenty of presents all year round.

I got the gift of life 22years ago. I got the gift of a loving family. I got the gift of great friends. I got the gift of a someone special this year. I got the gift of education and the opportunity to learn everyday. I got the gift of a safe environment and a place to call my home. I got the best gift of all, I got the gift of FAITH. I got lots and lots and lots more gifts which is tooooo much to be listed down here. All of which the Birthday Boy himself gifted me; I wonder what have I given him in return? =(

So take today, to await not for the presents under the tree, but await today for the coming of the biggest best present of all! -Jesus Christ, who awaits your presence too. Remember why we even celebrate Christmas in the first place, the Birthday of the Lord! The best gift you could give him is none other than yourself! =)

So Happy Birthday my Beloved Saviour!
& Merry Christmas everyone!

XOXO,
Mandy.

Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

December Updates

I have things to pour out, but I have frustrated myself over the same things over and over again. And yes, it hurts (intensely) but I'm strong. I'm going to treat myself to something different this time. How? I am not going to blog about it!

FYI, I finally finished my studies!!! WooHoo! If, *touch wood* I don't fail,you are looking at a graduate! *grins* Exams were hell because studying made no sense after you face useless out of nowhere relevant questions. Therefore, until my results come out (in mid January..*sob*), I am not going to jinx things by celebrating my freedom.

I have plans, yes I do. I plan to bum around the start of next year, I do not wish to start studying again or go start working just yet. I plan to spring clean my room. I plan to do more cross-stitch. I plan to complete several series I've been meaning to catch. I plan to read more books. I plan to diary more often (I'm missing my therapy!!!). I plan to travel perhaps? I plan to spend more time with God and with myself. I plan to start playing with my Barbie dolls again. I plan to keep fit? I plan to keep myself busy occupied distracted and relaxed.

I've completed my Christmas shopping, sort of...I hope the recipients would like them. Christmas this year would be a lonely one. My daughters' family would be spending time in Penang. My godmother's family would be in Indonesia. My aunty would remain in Melaka. So hopefully I'd make do by focusing on the Lord this Christmas and really celebrate His Big Day! I have plans to visit my two uncles during Christmas though =)

Well, in light of that..these are the few things I had in mind to update so I wouldn't update about the "other" thing.

Toodly! Love much, me.

Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

What do you know about me?

Do you know I cry? Do you know I get hurt easily? Do you know I am so insecure about what others think of me? Do you know I get very unsettled if someone holds a grudge against me? Do you know I put myself through things eventhough I don't feel like it or don't want to? Do you know I force myself to be nice to people who aren't very nice to me in hopes that I will one day be genuinely be nice to them willingly? Do you know that I'm not an attention seeker, but I need the attention to remind myself I'm not alone? Do you know I have a hatelove relationship with solidarity? Do you know I bite back on my tongue just so I won't say spiteful things that I know will or might hurt you? Do you know that my heart aches constantly? Do you know I'm a horrible person who has done horrible things? Do you know I'm scared to make or keep friends because I fear they would not be able to put up with my bullshit? Do you know that I feel unworthy of God? Do you know that I don't think I am worthy to be fallen in love for? Do you know that it sucks so bad to know only certain things or ways to make me feel good about myself? Do you know how shy scared and anxious I feel being in a crowd? Do you know how nervous I am in mingling and making small talk? Do you know bad I feel everyday for how I treat everyone around me? Do you know how impatient frustrated and angry I can get? Do you know how weak frail and fragile I actually am? Do you know how insensitive I can get? Do you know how sensitive I actually am? Do you know how I second guess and question myself every second of my life? Do you know how stupid and senseless I can get? Do you know how cunning and manipulative I can get? Do you know how I scream with my silence? Do you know my pain? Do you know how I feel? Do you know what I think? Do you know what I've been through? Do you know what exactly I mean by what I do? Do you know I put up different masks for different people?

Do you know anything about me at all?!
Just because you see me, doesn't mean you know me.

This is a note to myself as well so as to not jump to conclusions about others. No matter how insecure I may be, it is never fair to put the blame on others. Please be more understanding.

Be strong my girl, you will pull through. God will be with you every step of the way, no matter how difficult the circumstances, always have faith.

Goodnight all.
I am exhausted from my own insecurity.

Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone