What do you know about me?

Do you know I cry? Do you know I get hurt easily? Do you know I am so insecure about what others think of me? Do you know I get very unsettled if someone holds a grudge against me? Do you know I put myself through things eventhough I don't feel like it or don't want to? Do you know I force myself to be nice to people who aren't very nice to me in hopes that I will one day be genuinely be nice to them willingly? Do you know that I'm not an attention seeker, but I need the attention to remind myself I'm not alone? Do you know I have a hatelove relationship with solidarity? Do you know I bite back on my tongue just so I won't say spiteful things that I know will or might hurt you? Do you know that my heart aches constantly? Do you know I'm a horrible person who has done horrible things? Do you know I'm scared to make or keep friends because I fear they would not be able to put up with my bullshit? Do you know that I feel unworthy of God? Do you know that I don't think I am worthy to be fallen in love for? Do you know that it sucks so bad to know only certain things or ways to make me feel good about myself? Do you know how shy scared and anxious I feel being in a crowd? Do you know how nervous I am in mingling and making small talk? Do you know bad I feel everyday for how I treat everyone around me? Do you know how impatient frustrated and angry I can get? Do you know how weak frail and fragile I actually am? Do you know how insensitive I can get? Do you know how sensitive I actually am? Do you know how I second guess and question myself every second of my life? Do you know how stupid and senseless I can get? Do you know how cunning and manipulative I can get? Do you know how I scream with my silence? Do you know my pain? Do you know how I feel? Do you know what I think? Do you know what I've been through? Do you know what exactly I mean by what I do? Do you know I put up different masks for different people?

Do you know anything about me at all?!
Just because you see me, doesn't mean you know me.

This is a note to myself as well so as to not jump to conclusions about others. No matter how insecure I may be, it is never fair to put the blame on others. Please be more understanding.

Be strong my girl, you will pull through. God will be with you every step of the way, no matter how difficult the circumstances, always have faith.

Goodnight all.
I am exhausted from my own insecurity.

Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone