Realization checklist...?

Sigh, two weeks of absence and distance yet again. Can I survive? Will I have imy pangs? Or would I sustain and move on? Let these two weeks be a time to strengthen myself.

Did you notice the sadness in her eyes?
Did you try to make her laugh again?
Did you taste the saline on her cheeks?
Did you kiss away her rolling tears?
Did you take note of the way she kissed?
Did you kiss her truly?
Did you sense the clenching of her fists?
Did you try to slip your hands through hers?
Did you realize her holding back her tears?
Did you pull her in a hug?
Did you hear the drumming of her pulse?
Did you calm the racing pace?
Did you feel the pangs within her heart?
Did you comfort her with silence?
Did you know how hurtful your words were?
Did you mean the things you said?
Did you sit down to listen to her?
Did you give her your undivided attention?
Did you take the time to love her?
Did you appreciate and cherish her?

Need.
Will survive.
More resilient.

Always be the bigger better person in life,
Even if it means sacrificing yourself
For the greater good
By simple ignorance and walkaways.

Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

PMS

I need to get a grip on my life
Not let anything else decide
I need to put the effort and strive
Nor for anyone else but myself fight

The onset of PMS is such a bitch
Turning me into an emotional wreck
Stirring things up like the wicked witch
Flick me away as though I'm just a speck

Gain control dear darling
Don't go down the dark spiral
Keep yourself from falling
Away from the contagious viral

I'll be better I know of it
As of now I'm just so exhausted
The pieces of my life don't seem to fit
Goodnight now I'm busted

Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

Bothered

Smile they do, these lips of mine
The answer to every question, I'm fine
Try they do, not to be a straight line
For in secret, another lips to pine

These sparkle, my eyes of black
Or so empty and hollow, you don't see jack
The tears to spill, I'm holding them back
But sometimes I lose, they slip through the crack

Fragile yet strong, these fingertips
Every touch, a pain that rips
For in another, longing to slip
Hold on tight with a firm grip

Don't you see?
Way past the exterior me?
I'm hiding the pain
Trying to keep sane
Feel so much
Too much
Its starting to numb
Let's just hope I'm considered dumb
Just so you know about my intentions
I'm unwavering in my affections
Mere action reaction to your game
But underlying, everything is the same
I know the silence annoys
I'm tired too of all the decoys
Love still as strong
But of you, I could be wrong


Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

Alcoholic much?

Alcohol. As much as I love my spirits, I don't fancy the effects much. Just so you know, this girl favors Gin Tonic, Absolut Vodka, beer and Baileys. She's not much for whiskey, rum or brandy. Have yet to try champagne, indulge me anyone? =)

Alcohol loosens you up, it helps go easy on the guard or wall you put up. It may even make you daring enough to do things you'd never be able to bring yourself to do when you're sober. If you're shy and inhibited, it'll turn you into the friendliest person around to chat mingle and mix with, with the flirting extras added in too. It'll make you high in spirits so much so that you'd be preaching in the Spirit. It'll help you dance like you've never danced in your life before. It'll help you feel good about yourself for once, because if you ever mess up, you could always blame it on the spirits. It'll even help you sing with the throaty Leonard Cohen or Mick Jagger style voice (sexy no? =P)

Alcohol helps you disconnect from reality. It helps you forget your worries. It helps you giggle and laugh more. It may even help you go sleep faster; That way, you won't have to feel anything. Alcohol makes the world fun and more vivid and more alive. It makes the world spin and the loud blaring music course through your very veins. Talking and words won't matter, thus thinking or overthinking would be out of the picture too. Sensation would be all that matters.

However, alcohol also drowns you. If you're feeling depressed or shitty at that point of time, it will take whatever you're mulling over and double triple gazillion the effects. It will eat you alive. It will make you forget yourself, do things you'd never ever do, sober or otherwise. It will help you churn out (not churn up) your food, zombie projectile style. It will somehow invite and allow unwanted attention. It will tear out your emotions and make you cry bucket loads of tears or scream your lungs out or even lunge out at others. It will make you abusive. It will make your hormones rage out of control. It will make you say things you wished you never did. It will make you tell the truth (most times).

So my point in saying this, I love and enjoy my drinks, I do, but I just got to know when where and with whom to go overboard with. In fact, I cannot drink alone, I'd feel odd. If I do intend to drink myself silly and let loose, I would always make sure I have someone who will take care of me and make sure I'm sobered up or safe enough to hit the bed.

Thus, this is me signing off after a long stint of no alcohol, now with two beers in me. I am now sleepy, cranky and groggy.

Goodnight.

Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

Freedom in Graduation

I can sense it in the air
I can smell it at the tip of my nose
Feel it brush up against my skin
Hear it's voice beckoning to me
The tingle in my toes
The giggle bubbling in my throat
The restless fingers tapping away

What the heck am I talking about?
F-R-E-E-D-O-M!
I've finally completed my degree!
I am done (for now) with college life.
No more studying
No more poring over numerous facts
No more research
Just done done done!

WooHoo!
I swear Jesus was with me the entire time
He made sure I failed none of my papers
And made sure I was at least middle class honor
Thank You Lord!
For I can do all things trusting in You

"What's next?" you ask?
Working life.
Yes, I heard, not much to look forward to
But I'm just glad I'm done with studies for now
I start working next month
Pursuing a passion for average pay
But the environment seems nice
I might just like it there
(I'm hoping I will)

So yes, I am now known as a graduate
(Technically not until after graduation in April)
What I don't understand
Why is everyone more hyped about it than me?
Is it really a BIG HUGE deal to graduate?
Am I missing a bigger picture here? =S
(Someone explain to me please...?)

But anyway, I'm happy! =)
Wish me luck in my future undertakings eh?
Masters will be later years down the road
Majoring in what exactly? I don't know
Honestly, I ain't even going to think about it yet

Freedom baybeh! Oh yeah!

PS: HINT to Parents *coughSaboCharmcough*

Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone