Its all about forgiveness today. How does one forgive seventy times seven of eternity when its hard even to forgive one? Even more so, to find the strength & courage to forgive one's self?
Despite me "getting over" things, I still struggle within myself to forgive. Whether it was the one who stole my loved one away, I'm so over it, but perhaps my pride & irritation stands in the way. Or the one who got away, it will always be a never ending complicated battle with myself, feelings, thoughts & memories. Or the ones who got away with me, it cut too deep to be okay anymore. Or the one who turned me away, I understand but it still hurt at one point. Or the one who pretends, its suffocating to keep things up.
I always think of myself as pretty relaxed, chilled & laid back. Whoever knew I kept such dark emotions simmering within me? God, I beg You, please cleanse & ease my troubled heart. Let me let go & let God. Everyone has their own reasons for their actions, perhaps its just not for me to understand but merely accept and move on. After all, who am I to judge others for the same sins I commit?
As God has forgiven me time and time again, so must I forgive others time and time again.
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Saturday, February 25, 2012
Galatians 5:16-26
Ironic how easy & often it is to do bad yet how tough, difficult & challenging it is to do good. How easy it is to remember a terrible thing someone has done against you than to remember a kind good deed.
How everything good doesn't come easy & it comes with quite a price or sacrifice. Even food that tastes good like junk food & fast food are really so unhealthy. Whereas healthy food like wheat & vegetables that tastes quite yuck sometimes are really good for you.
How easy it is to read a porn magazine than to read the Bible, or how easy it is to read a story book than to read a textbook, or how easy it is to keep awake for 2hours during a movie (even if its boring) but so easily fall asleep during Mass.
How easy it is to snap at someone & get angry & spew nasty things, or take someone for granted than to take a moment to say a kind word to someone or do a good deed or go beyond your comfort zone to make someone else comfortable.
I like how the verses mention that the sins of the flesh are obvious, as though implying that the work of God is usually hidden. Indeed I agree. The devil tries so hard to throw everything in your face that it gets so hard to ignore yet Jesus tries the subtle approach that often gets ignored.
Thus, the question I would like to ponder on is... Am I taking the time to allow the Spirit to guide me? Or am I taking things into my own hands? For to live in Christ is to live a life of sacrifice. The world would be a better place if everyone was nice to everyone & there would not be a need to be nasty.
How everything good doesn't come easy & it comes with quite a price or sacrifice. Even food that tastes good like junk food & fast food are really so unhealthy. Whereas healthy food like wheat & vegetables that tastes quite yuck sometimes are really good for you.
How easy it is to read a porn magazine than to read the Bible, or how easy it is to read a story book than to read a textbook, or how easy it is to keep awake for 2hours during a movie (even if its boring) but so easily fall asleep during Mass.
How easy it is to snap at someone & get angry & spew nasty things, or take someone for granted than to take a moment to say a kind word to someone or do a good deed or go beyond your comfort zone to make someone else comfortable.
I like how the verses mention that the sins of the flesh are obvious, as though implying that the work of God is usually hidden. Indeed I agree. The devil tries so hard to throw everything in your face that it gets so hard to ignore yet Jesus tries the subtle approach that often gets ignored.
Thus, the question I would like to ponder on is... Am I taking the time to allow the Spirit to guide me? Or am I taking things into my own hands? For to live in Christ is to live a life of sacrifice. The world would be a better place if everyone was nice to everyone & there would not be a need to be nasty.
Friday, February 24, 2012
#24/02: Inside Your Bathroom Cabinet
Since I don't have an actual bathroom cabinet
This is what my bathroom sink area looks like
This is what my bathroom sink area looks like
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Romans 8:1-17
These verses, due to the fanciful language, were quite tricky to grasp its message, but this is what I understood (so I think) or took away with me.
Imagine you're in love with someone, wouldn't you want to do anything & everything to make that someone happy? Wouldn't you want to spend every waking moment with that someone? To be a part of that someone's life?
How about if you're a die-hard fan of a music artist or band? Wouldn't you do anything to meet your idol? Wouldn't you be proud wearing clothes bearing their images & listen to their songs repeatedly? So much so that you'd want others to love them as well cause they're just too awesome?
Now think about a smoker, someone who is addicted to smoking. One knows smoking does nothing good to your system & yet it is so addictive that it is so hard to quit. You want it before & after every meal or let it be your after waking & before sleeping habit. I'm just using smoking as an example because I know it'll be a bad terrible habit to quit if I started so this is in reference to myself, no offense to any smokers out there.
Okay, now my point is, these verses point out the same thing. If we were FOR God, we'd do everything & anything for Him that everything comes naturally to us. We'd be so in love & so proud & would want to spread the Word to others. However, if we indulged in sin, we would be so caught up in the sin to notice anything or anyone else.
God lives in us, and we are His temple. Are we doing what is right to purify the very space God resides in us? Or is the space too cluttered by everything else that it has lost its born purpose? We are God's heirs to the kingdom of heaven, would we really want to jeopardize that eternity for the sake of small simple pleasures?
We are God's children, wouldn't we want to do right in His eyes so as to not shame Him? The thing about parents & how God created them is amazing because they're filled with so much love for their kids that forgiveness comes with.
Anyway, the whole point of this long-winded post is me trying to make sense of these verses cause truly it is really confusing for me. Sometimes it happens this way, the message may not come thru right now, but it will eventually make itself clear to me some day. Think of it as horoscopes, the God-ly way =P
Imagine you're in love with someone, wouldn't you want to do anything & everything to make that someone happy? Wouldn't you want to spend every waking moment with that someone? To be a part of that someone's life?
How about if you're a die-hard fan of a music artist or band? Wouldn't you do anything to meet your idol? Wouldn't you be proud wearing clothes bearing their images & listen to their songs repeatedly? So much so that you'd want others to love them as well cause they're just too awesome?
Now think about a smoker, someone who is addicted to smoking. One knows smoking does nothing good to your system & yet it is so addictive that it is so hard to quit. You want it before & after every meal or let it be your after waking & before sleeping habit. I'm just using smoking as an example because I know it'll be a bad terrible habit to quit if I started so this is in reference to myself, no offense to any smokers out there.
Okay, now my point is, these verses point out the same thing. If we were FOR God, we'd do everything & anything for Him that everything comes naturally to us. We'd be so in love & so proud & would want to spread the Word to others. However, if we indulged in sin, we would be so caught up in the sin to notice anything or anyone else.
God lives in us, and we are His temple. Are we doing what is right to purify the very space God resides in us? Or is the space too cluttered by everything else that it has lost its born purpose? We are God's heirs to the kingdom of heaven, would we really want to jeopardize that eternity for the sake of small simple pleasures?
We are God's children, wouldn't we want to do right in His eyes so as to not shame Him? The thing about parents & how God created them is amazing because they're filled with so much love for their kids that forgiveness comes with.
Anyway, the whole point of this long-winded post is me trying to make sense of these verses cause truly it is really confusing for me. Sometimes it happens this way, the message may not come thru right now, but it will eventually make itself clear to me some day. Think of it as horoscopes, the God-ly way =P
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Luke 4: 1-13
These verses made me think as to how weak I truly am, how easily I give into temptations, how I sin on a regular nonchalant basis where I take God & His mercy & forgiveness for granted.
Imagine, Jesus withstood 40 days without physical food or drink, the human body can only take so much. I myself, after "fasting" (I only had a peanut butter sandwich for lunch & fried spaghetti for dinner + lots & lots of water), felt so weak, lazy & restless.
Furthermore, He managed in His hungry state, to stand up against the Devil though it seemed as though the devil asked for things that Jesus could do & bread, who wouldn't want it?! Wouldn't you be hungry?
Having said that, looking back at myself, it seems as though I give in or give up too fast & too easily. Just to get on with something, I'd agree uh huh to everything without paying much attention or giving much thought to it. How often have I broke driving laws just to reach my destination? How often have I put off doing things, knowing that I should be doing it ; not other things? It seems like small things, doesn't it? But that's how I see it. Turning stone into bread is probably pfft, nothing to Jesus but yet, He stood firm & said no. Yet, these seemingly insignificant meaningless actions that I do nonchalantly on a regular basis carry a heavy weight.
How about those times that I'm well aware that what I'm doing is not right, yet I tell myself & perhaps even God that nah, just this once, it'll be fine. Imagine Judgement Day, all the little small things collect & lump up together, it won't be so little anymore. Then perhaps I'd be kicking myself wondering why did I let the small little insignificant things ruin my chances at eternal life.
So I'm hoping & praying today that I be more aware of my surroundings & be more conscious of the efforts I'm making, be it small or big; strive to be strong in the Lord & make appropriate choices instead of letting it be a norm to "sin".
PS: Blessed Ash Wednesday everyone!
Imagine, Jesus withstood 40 days without physical food or drink, the human body can only take so much. I myself, after "fasting" (I only had a peanut butter sandwich for lunch & fried spaghetti for dinner + lots & lots of water), felt so weak, lazy & restless.
Furthermore, He managed in His hungry state, to stand up against the Devil though it seemed as though the devil asked for things that Jesus could do & bread, who wouldn't want it?! Wouldn't you be hungry?
Having said that, looking back at myself, it seems as though I give in or give up too fast & too easily. Just to get on with something, I'd agree uh huh to everything without paying much attention or giving much thought to it. How often have I broke driving laws just to reach my destination? How often have I put off doing things, knowing that I should be doing it ; not other things? It seems like small things, doesn't it? But that's how I see it. Turning stone into bread is probably pfft, nothing to Jesus but yet, He stood firm & said no. Yet, these seemingly insignificant meaningless actions that I do nonchalantly on a regular basis carry a heavy weight.
How about those times that I'm well aware that what I'm doing is not right, yet I tell myself & perhaps even God that nah, just this once, it'll be fine. Imagine Judgement Day, all the little small things collect & lump up together, it won't be so little anymore. Then perhaps I'd be kicking myself wondering why did I let the small little insignificant things ruin my chances at eternal life.
So I'm hoping & praying today that I be more aware of my surroundings & be more conscious of the efforts I'm making, be it small or big; strive to be strong in the Lord & make appropriate choices instead of letting it be a norm to "sin".
PS: Blessed Ash Wednesday everyone!
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Lenten Sacrifice
I did this last year, & I succeeded. If I daresay, I even passed with flying colors. I even managed to continue my sacrifice after lent was over & yes, I'm proud of myself for that. However, as with all things associated to me, it didn't last. I soon gave up after a few months (or was it half a year? Somewhere there.). So it saddens me to have given it up, wishing I could revive it again.
It feels so surreal that its been a whole year since my life took a drastic life-changing turn. During this time last year, I faced possibly the hardest reality check ever. Yet, I succeeded & held onto my lenten sacrifice. I surrendered to Him & in turn, we journeyed together each step of the way & we still do.
So what exactly am I talking about? BIBLE. My Lenten sacrifice last year was to read the Bible daily, at least a lil bit. I followed the reading plans in my Youth Bible, and ran out after finishing 3 or 4 short plans. Then I started the Psalms, but couldn't complete it yet.
So today, this year, I'm starting it again. To add to it, I'm going to blog about it as well. Last year, I wrote it all down. So perhaps you're asking, why blog? Seems so self-fulfilling instead of God-centered eh? But I need to discipline myself to make sure I do it, & who knows, I might just possibly inspire others in one way or another by blogging?
So yes, to all those out there who are also striving to have a meaningful Lent, may we succeed for His sake. Have a Blessed Lent everyone!
It feels so surreal that its been a whole year since my life took a drastic life-changing turn. During this time last year, I faced possibly the hardest reality check ever. Yet, I succeeded & held onto my lenten sacrifice. I surrendered to Him & in turn, we journeyed together each step of the way & we still do.
So what exactly am I talking about? BIBLE. My Lenten sacrifice last year was to read the Bible daily, at least a lil bit. I followed the reading plans in my Youth Bible, and ran out after finishing 3 or 4 short plans. Then I started the Psalms, but couldn't complete it yet.
So today, this year, I'm starting it again. To add to it, I'm going to blog about it as well. Last year, I wrote it all down. So perhaps you're asking, why blog? Seems so self-fulfilling instead of God-centered eh? But I need to discipline myself to make sure I do it, & who knows, I might just possibly inspire others in one way or another by blogging?
So yes, to all those out there who are also striving to have a meaningful Lent, may we succeed for His sake. Have a Blessed Lent everyone!
Sunday, February 19, 2012
Committed
Why does everyone else have the right to get angry & blow off steam, when I have to grin & bear it? Why can everyone get away with things, but I have to be committed? Why can everyone else do the things I want to do, but I can't? Why must I always be polite & take in the shit other shove to me? Why must I always have to keep silent just to calm things over? Why must I always give in just to make others happy? Why must I always be the one who gets hurt for the sake of others? Why must I always be the one to make up? Why can everyone else be so egoistic & proud, but I can't do the same? Why must I always obey rules when others break mine?
I feel like I have no voice, no say, no stand. Its not fair that others get to get away with their past mistakes but mine are held against me. Its not fair that I don't get a chance to live my life the way I wish. Its not fair that I have to keep silent when injustice is done against me.
One wonders why I'm so passive, submissive & withdrawn, but truly, is it any wonder? I've been silenced all my life, who gives me the permission to speak now? The amount of shit I've gone through & yet no one knows. While everyone else gets to blow off their troubles, I'm forced to keep myself together. Anger, disappointment & hurt are apparently not mine to feel. But guess what? I'm hurt, and I can't even say it. The thing is that I still have to take whatever else is thrown at me after this. I also apparently have no right to feel or say any of the above, simply because of commitment ties.
Sigh, I'm sorry but this time I'm taking a stand. I can't live that way anymore. I'm standing firm in my beliefs & I will see it through. The occasional compromise & give & take is still within me, but I must stand my ground on certain things. I can only hope others would learn to understand.
The irony of this post is I'm pouring my heart out yet I can't go into specifics, sigh. Goodnight. I feel useless, thankyouverymuch.
I feel like I have no voice, no say, no stand. Its not fair that others get to get away with their past mistakes but mine are held against me. Its not fair that I don't get a chance to live my life the way I wish. Its not fair that I have to keep silent when injustice is done against me.
One wonders why I'm so passive, submissive & withdrawn, but truly, is it any wonder? I've been silenced all my life, who gives me the permission to speak now? The amount of shit I've gone through & yet no one knows. While everyone else gets to blow off their troubles, I'm forced to keep myself together. Anger, disappointment & hurt are apparently not mine to feel. But guess what? I'm hurt, and I can't even say it. The thing is that I still have to take whatever else is thrown at me after this. I also apparently have no right to feel or say any of the above, simply because of commitment ties.
Sigh, I'm sorry but this time I'm taking a stand. I can't live that way anymore. I'm standing firm in my beliefs & I will see it through. The occasional compromise & give & take is still within me, but I must stand my ground on certain things. I can only hope others would learn to understand.
The irony of this post is I'm pouring my heart out yet I can't go into specifics, sigh. Goodnight. I feel useless, thankyouverymuch.
Saturday, February 18, 2012
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
#15/2: Phone
My current phone since 2010, it has been with me through bittersweet times,
the roughest and most joyous moments of my life.
Sunday, February 12, 2012
Bad Yet Beautifully Loved
 |
| Sunday Secret (12 February 2012) |
Would spill this secret to me
Saying it was about me
But who needs a someone somehow someday
When ive got the one right now today & everyday
My Lord sees me and loves me
I am flawed beyond recognition
Broken and rejected
But He accepts me
I am made in His image
I am made in His likeness
He loves me most when i feel most unloved
So yes, Thank You Lord
for always being there for me
Giving me hope & love
That no one else can par up to
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Monday, February 6, 2012
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