Committed

Why does everyone else have the right to get angry & blow off steam, when I have to grin & bear it? Why can everyone get away with things, but I have to be committed? Why can everyone else do the things I want to do, but I can't? Why must I always be polite & take in the shit other shove to me? Why must I always have to keep silent just to calm things over? Why must I always give in just to make others happy? Why must I always be the one who gets hurt for the sake of others? Why must I always be the one to make up? Why can everyone else be so egoistic & proud, but I can't do the same? Why must I always obey rules when others break mine?

I feel like I have no voice, no say, no stand. Its not fair that others get to get away with their past mistakes but mine are held against me. Its not fair that I don't get a chance to live my life the way I wish. Its not fair that I have to keep silent when injustice is done against me.

One wonders why I'm so passive, submissive & withdrawn, but truly, is it any wonder? I've been silenced all my life, who gives me the permission to speak now? The amount of shit I've gone through & yet no one knows. While everyone else gets to blow off their troubles, I'm forced to keep myself together. Anger, disappointment & hurt are apparently not mine to feel. But guess what? I'm hurt, and I can't even say it. The thing is that I still have to take whatever else is thrown at me after this. I also apparently have no right to feel or say any of the above, simply because of commitment ties.

Sigh, I'm sorry but this time I'm taking a stand. I can't live that way anymore. I'm standing firm in my beliefs & I will see it through. The occasional compromise & give & take is still within me, but I must stand my ground on certain things. I can only hope others would learn to understand.

The irony of this post is I'm pouring my heart out yet I can't go into specifics, sigh. Goodnight. I feel useless, thankyouverymuch.