The Inner Struggle

"We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.

So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death?

Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!
So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God's law, but in my sinful nature a slave to the law of sin."
-Romans 7:14-25


Amazing! Truly and Utterly amazing! I don't know about you, but this is SO very me! It just proves to me that I must indeed work harder to be good and keep the evil at length away from me. I thank God for His never failing love, understanding and forgiveness in always welcoming this prodigal child.

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just don't think.

Growing up with the Disney Princesses

i dont care what people say,
i still love my Disney princesses.
they were a huge part of my childhood
and still a huge part of my life
i have grown up and evolved,
so have they.

Belle still rocks my socks the most =)

Envy or Jealousy? Choose your poison.

Envy or jealousy
Often used interchangeably
Whose meanings
Are often misconstrued
Envy stems from fear of inferiority
Jealousy stems from fear of loss
So unless you stand to lose something
Please use the word jealous more wisely

More often than not
Envy gets the most of me
Wanting things I lack
Not things I could lose
Since I never had to begin with
But I could possibly get
If I wanted bad enough
Or worked hard enough

But right now
I'm utterly jealous
Just thinking about it
Sets me off the edge
For once I stand to lose
What's rightfully mine
Not something I can get again

Is this some sort of message?
Is God punishing me for my sins?
Or Karma biting my ass back?
Or a huge prank of a reality show?
Because my one love and passion in life
To finally get a glimpse, a taste, a hope
Of what I thought could never be mine
Could possibly be stripped away from me

I guess it truly was never meant for me in the first place. Sigh. I can only trust in His decision for me that things would work out the best way it possibly could. I'm never one to hope, but in this, I hope, I hope in Him to give me hope.

Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

Drown

I come home and head straight to the room. As though like a vampire, not coming out until the sun goes down. Looking at the ceiling and its four walls, it almost feels claustrophobic. Looking at the messy floor in much dismay, a sense of helplessness drowns me. I try not to think, I try to lay still. I usually end up falling asleep, only to wake up feeling worse than ever. I'd be lucky if the headache doesn't come or stay. I feel like Goldilocks who crashed the place, messed it up and overstayed. I feel like the black sheep who should've been gobbled up by the wolf. Like a misfit in the puzzle, its a board I don't belong. It feels like you're under anesthesia and you're numb but you're fully conscious and aware of everything happening, yet you can't do anything about it. Its like you're hanging by a thread and nothing makes sense anymore. I'm just afraid, afraid of myself.


Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone