Divine Intervention

So i cried myself to sleep that night & typed out a long lengthy email going over every single detail that muddled my already confused mind. I tortured myself aplenty, wondering if it was all true or i was merely delusional and trapped in a warped sense of wishful thinking. Thank God, i was so exhausted that i didnt click the send button so it didn't show up on this blog. I would've deleted it in the morning when i woke up anyway. Thats the trouble with late night rantings, the most absurd honest truths come out and it leaves you in a bare state, open and vulnerable. I will not have that! I stand by my pride, and i stand my ground. I will not cave in! So thank You Lord for allowing me to save my skin and my face again.

Anyway, having said that. How timely it is that I contacted a friend of mine to tell of some of my achievements (yes, im unashamed like that =P), only to have him ask me if i was alright and say that I could talk to him any time should the need arise. Thank you Lord for blessing me with such friends. Plus, another friend of mine was gracious enough to allow me to rant off my email lengthily by chat, if only to get it off my chest. Im weird like that, i just to go on a full on rant screaming crying scale & I'd feel better until the next fit of hysteria comes about. 

So hey, I may never know the answers to the questions befuddling my head, and truth be told, i don't think i want to know. Confusion seems a safer bet than clarity, safer to safeguard my heart, safer to be kinder when spoken of. After all, i expect i would have to answer a ridiculously huge amount of innocent questions in the years to come. This picture i painted in my head seems a sweet picture, a reasonable picture though however unreasonable it may be, a kind forgiving picture. It may not be perfect, nor may it be the entire truth nor lies, but it sure as hell makes the whole thing sound kinder than it really was.

*few nights ago*