.today.

I was alright, I was happy to see her excited. It didn't even cross my mind. Until I saw my phone with its darned reminder. Funny how you forget what you store in your phone until it flashes mockingly at you, taunting you. It didn't affect me much last year cause I had other things to think about and worry about. But this year when everything is cool & my mind is free to think of whatever it likes, its not the same. I try not to be sad, I try to look at today with a happy heart, focus on my loved one, the important one, the one who hurt me as well but never gave up on me. Who am I deceiving when my heart aches & constricts itself that I can barely breathe. I realize that it never really went away, just locked itself & buried itself deep in the corner of my being, shoved deep so I won't think about it anymore. Let bygones be bygones, move on from the past & look forward to the future. Oh the irony, that both fall on today, like yin & yang but totally out of harmony & balance. I hold tighter onto my pride despite what I'm so tempted & itching to do, so within myself are wishes unspoken & feelings unsaid. Funny how much can change within one year, harder yet to believe that its been two. Perhaps I have been erased and most definitely replaced, but one day someday soon, it won't hurt anymore when my thoughts run through, but I'd look back with a smile of gratitude and thanks for the blessings that God has granted & how He has led me through. And perhaps I won't think so often or anymore & everything will be a faded memory that I can no longer recall. But for now & for today, it still stings. happybirthdayyouwhereveryoumaybe.

PS: Forgive my rambling. A wave of reminiscence took me by surprise.