Thursday, March 31, 2011

Silence & Obedience

It'll never escape her lips
It'll never show on her face
But inside she's hurting
Of things left unsaid
Emotions left unresolved
It has always been that way
Since the very beginning
Always a glimpse a glimmer
Of the life she'd never have
Why the tiny dewdrop
Rather a drop none at all
Perhaps this is karma
Perhaps a lesson to be taught
Nonetheless of something
She couldn't quite grasp
Or wouldn't comprehend
As if to trust and freefall
Blindfolded to walk
That was the faith she held
Nothing else could she do
In hopes of good favor
To You, she surrenders

Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

Saturday, March 19, 2011

Verdict without trial

Her hands and feet in shackles
Of her lips escape no protest
Out of obedience she follows
Wishing there was another way
She tries to hide
Maybe even run
But firm to the ground
Her feet stay planted
Her heart crumbles in desolate
Silent tears stream down
"My God,My God,why have You forsaken me?"
"Forgive them for they know not what they do"
No one understands
She's just another case
But of this case is special
Give not what she wants
But to keep nurture and grow
"If it is your will,not mine,Let it be done"
Robbed away from comfort
And familiar surroundings of support
"I came not to be served,but to serve."
In her position she has no right
She's trying her very best
If only they knew what was asked of her
Not for herself or anyone else
But just you,you & you
Do know that this is not easy
Things are hard as it is
Now its just downhill
She'll try but she can't promise
She's beyond devastated now
No smile no laughter no more.

A single fish who swam
Against the current upstream
Now caught in the fisher's net
It awaits its doomed fate
In a new strange place
As cold as ice, no comfort.

Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

Thursday, March 17, 2011

The Inner Struggle

"We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.

So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death?

Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!
So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God's law, but in my sinful nature a slave to the law of sin."
-Romans 7:14-25


Amazing! Truly and Utterly amazing! I don't know about you, but this is SO very me! It just proves to me that I must indeed work harder to be good and keep the evil at length away from me. I thank God for His never failing love, understanding and forgiveness in always welcoming this prodigal child.

Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

Monday, March 14, 2011

just don't think.

Growing up with the Disney Princesses


i dont care what people say,
i still love my Disney princesses.
they were a huge part of my childhood
and still a huge part of my life
i have grown up and evolved,
so have they.

Belle still rocks my socks the most =)

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Envy or Jealousy? Choose your poison.

Envy or jealousy
Often used interchangeably
Whose meanings
Are often misconstrued
Envy stems from fear of inferiority
Jealousy stems from fear of loss
So unless you stand to lose something
Please use the word jealous more wisely

More often than not
Envy gets the most of me
Wanting things I lack
Not things I could lose
Since I never had to begin with
But I could possibly get
If I wanted bad enough
Or worked hard enough

But right now
I'm utterly jealous
Just thinking about it
Sets me off the edge
For once I stand to lose
What's rightfully mine
Not something I can get again

Is this some sort of message?
Is God punishing me for my sins?
Or Karma biting my ass back?
Or a huge prank of a reality show?
Because my one love and passion in life
To finally get a glimpse, a taste, a hope
Of what I thought could never be mine
Could possibly be stripped away from me

I guess it truly was never meant for me in the first place. Sigh. I can only trust in His decision for me that things would work out the best way it possibly could. I'm never one to hope, but in this, I hope, I hope in Him to give me hope.

Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Drown

I come home and head straight to the room. As though like a vampire, not coming out until the sun goes down. Looking at the ceiling and its four walls, it almost feels claustrophobic. Looking at the messy floor in much dismay, a sense of helplessness drowns me. I try not to think, I try to lay still. I usually end up falling asleep, only to wake up feeling worse than ever. I'd be lucky if the headache doesn't come or stay. I feel like Goldilocks who crashed the place, messed it up and overstayed. I feel like the black sheep who should've been gobbled up by the wolf. Like a misfit in the puzzle, its a board I don't belong. It feels like you're under anesthesia and you're numb but you're fully conscious and aware of everything happening, yet you can't do anything about it. Its like you're hanging by a thread and nothing makes sense anymore. I'm just afraid, afraid of myself.


Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone