i feel...lost.

when too many things occupy my mind,
i tend to be left speechless
too many things roll off the tip of my tongue,
often too nasty to be spelled out
id rather swallow them bitter words
poisoning myself instead of those around me

i hate being in the gray
not knowing where or what
everything seems so uncertain
where then can i find my sanity?
i need the future in mind
at least a rough path would suffice

just so you know,
i need the comfort every now and then
i need the attention
acknowledge my presence
let me know that its all not for naught
loving is not easy, i hope you understand

i just miss you so damn much and it sucks that this doesn't seem to affect you. im dreading the day you have to go, wishing to spend as much time as possible with you before you go. but here you are, having more plans without me faster than i can say jeremy cricket. i dont blame you, go have fun, im glad for you, i really am. but i just...this is me being selfish and insecure. sigh. im sorry. damnit, why do i have to love you so much?!