alcohol runs deep

bitterness runs thru my lips
the cool trickles down my throat
numbness spreads thru my senses
fake smile plastered on
giggling to absolute nothingness
nerves feel short-circuited
mind swirling with a million colors
the life of me racing before my eyes
emotions heightened to its maximum
senses peaked to the very highest
yet totally lost to everything around

yes, that is me
the one where i let loose
just let go of reality
escape into fantasy
pretend like everything’s alright
that for once,
i can not be the screw up i am

i wish to have more
get lost deeper
lose sense of my senses
feel absolutely nothing
so i can say that i don’t know what i did wrong
don’t know what was happening
wasn’t aware of my wrongdoings

yes, i love alcohol
my comfort, my joy
the one i turn to in times of trouble

why do i keep getting myself hurt?