No Laughing Matter

I am entirely disgruntled at laughter. Maybe I've lost my ability to laugh or maybe I'm just going through one of my down phases. Or maybe there's nothing worth laughing about.

I dislike it with a vengeance cause people misuse it. Uncomfortable? Laugh. Made a mistake? Laugh. Guilty? Laugh. Watching a really horrible gore scene? Laugh. Softening the blow of something harsh? Laugh. Trying to poke fun without being obvious? Laugh. Lost for words? Laugh. Awkward? Laugh.

There's nothing funny about the situations above at all. Don't you dare use coping mechanism as an excuse. Laughter just belittles everything and that sucks. It's overused for all the wrong reasons that it's brought out an adverse effect on me, cause now I just wanna grimace at every laughter I hear. Everytime I smile or laugh now, it really feels plastic or plastered on or hollow even. Hypocritical of me? Aren't we all? Tsk.

So maybe it's just me. Maybe I have underlying reasons to be infuriated by it all. Maybe I'm just jealous. Why can't I feel the overwhelming happiness nowadays? Why do my smiles feel forced? Why can't my laughter come rumbling from deep within me?

Cause right now, I laugh because it's the only appropriate response. I laugh cause it's my obligation. I laugh because I have to. I laugh so as to not offend the other. I laugh so much that I feel like crying. I wish it was cause it tickled me so much to the point of tears. But it's really cause it hurts to laugh. It pains me to laugh.

Pfft, who am I to be selfish & sulk right? So here you go. *grins* (for your sake & mine, let's pretend I meant that).