i give up.
some nights remind me of why some nights hurt. with everything that goes on around me, who do i turn to in the end? someone to pour out my heart to, without worrying who it may hurt or where it may carry. knowing that my secret's safe with that someone, that i can trust the person enough to just let it all out.
ive got bones to pick with so many people, i havent even found the funny bone. yet what do i do but shut up grin and act ignorant.
who do i turn to when i want a cuddle or a hug? who do i turn to to talk for hours on end about nothing in particular? whose hand do i hold? who do i seek first when i have news to share? whom can i be open with without being judged or sympathized?
nights like these make me miss. nights like this make it painful. nights like this reminds me. nights like this are difficult.
today the charm broke. i guess its a sign. part of me is trying to ignore the who and focus on just how pretty it looks in my room. part of me clings on to what it once meant to me. part of me thought it could've been a symbol of protection over us from where one cannot be, an eye kept watch over us for well wishes. for the most part, it just looked pretty and i had really liked it. now its broken, seems lke a part of me broke as well. will this feeling ever end?
it sucks. i dont want to hear about everyone else. i dont want to hear about me. i dont want to hear about who or what or when. if only to be a recluse and disappear, perhaps i am worth more hidden? out of sight, out of trouble. To be out of sight, somewhat makes it easier to be out of mind, for the most part at least, but it doesnt mean complete disappearance.
i cant talk to just anyone. no one understands. if i talk to someone, it might affect them. the last i would want to do is burden anyone else. yet, i wish not to talk to those.
some nights just make me want to curl up and go to sleep. just to block out all the thoughts from haunting me. i dont wnat to remember cause all i remember are the good days and the good days hurt most because the good days were when i was happiest or so i thought. i dont want to think anymore, i dont want to replay. i want to move on and forget the rest away. dont let me hang on, dont let me cling on. let me let go, let me go.
some nights are just f-ed.
<3
ReplyDeleteI have just become a frequent reader on your blog. I really wish I can help you, and maybe in time I will, 1 day. If you need someone to talk to, talk to God. HE will listen to all your prayers. HE wants you to talk to him. Confide in him and in time, he will give you someone to share your feelings with.
ReplyDeleteHe will always be with you. God bless <3
Hello =) welcome to my blog, though id have to say its not much to read, unless your into rants&raves =P
ReplyDeleteI have a feeling,this isnt your first time commenting? as i had another comment (also anonymous) on a previous post.
Indeed, God is the one person i cling onto, and He fulfills my all, my everything that i need no other. It's just, if only it were tangible, not that God isn't, its just...idk how to explain...i hope you get my drift? =P
but anyway, this was one of those nights where it came crashing down =P thank you anyway for commenting and blessing me with support. Indeed God has made an instrument out of you, a guardian angel to inspire me. Thank you, whoever you are (i hope i get to find out one day =P)
Oh well. The price of fornicating. :(
ReplyDelete