I try to be strong. I tell myself I will be okay. I say I will get through it the best way I can. I deny the future, I try my best to live in the present. But everyday its getting harder, everyday the end looms near. I try to focus on how I spent my day, lucky that I could even get one day. But with each passing day, I lose one more day before its all over. Its hard to be excited over the future, when I know I'd be on the losing end. Its not about who wins or who loses, but its just sad that it could've been something great but I guess it was all in my head. I wish I would've been the source of excitement joy and future possibilities, but I guess not. Its been six months of bittersweet and I'm falling even harder and deeper each day. I can only hope and pray for a miracle, a change of heart by the time the end comes. Or else I pray and hope so badly that God gives me the courage and the strength to pull through this and rise above it if it all falls apart.
Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone
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