Hopeless & Overwhelmed

I used to know who I was. At least I thought I did. Damnit! It's been 2/3 years already & I'm still missing the me I was when I was with you. I was the best I could be. I'm so angry & so scared that I'll never be her again.

I was so happy. I looked forward to my everyday. I was motivated to look good & feel good & i felt good & confident in my own skin. Right now, I'm so upset with myself that I'm letting myself slip further & further away.

And it kills me to no end that I don't feel that way about her now. I love her to bits & I don't miss her & I don't feel sad when she's not around. I'm supposed to feel better. She completes me. But I don't & it upsets me.

I had plans. I wanted to be the supermom who was active & participative in her daughter's life. Instead it's evident how "big" a role I'm playing when she often chooses Dad over me. I don't know how to entertain my own daughter.

I don't know how to cope with the years to come. I know I can & I know I will. But the very thought of it overwhelms me. I have so much to do, so much I want to do. But I just feel so hopeless & overwhelmed by everything that I don't know where to start that I eventually just give up altogether.

Anyway, I'm alright, I will be alright! I'll make sure of that. It's just been awhile since I had a random burst of rant. Now I just hope my eyes don't puff up tomorrow eh? =P

Goodnight.