Talking to Myself

I have a love-hate relationship with myself. Yes, I'm narcissistic, self-absorbed & conceited like that; Despite being a masochist. Anyway, I both love & hate the late night conversations I have with myself in my head. They lead to very interesting things indeed.

Tonight, I'm loving myself. I look back on my life and the negative moments seem to overpower my positive ones, yet the positive moments are persistent in breaking through the negativity, as though the sun shining though the clouds, proud & beaming its sun rays.

You hear people saying they wish they could go back & change their past, undo their mistakes or do things differently. Me? I wouldn't change a thing cause despite all the bad stuff, I survived & I'm proud of how far I've come. My past shaped me into the person I am today & I like this complicated tough cookie girl. I'm not proud of some things that I've done, but what's done is done. I now look forward to the future, making sure I don't make the same mistakes & raising Faith to not follow my footsteps in doing the same mistakes. In my defense, some things were out of my hands but let's not get to that.

Moving on...

You hear people wishing they looked differently. Me? I still struggle with my body image at times, wishing I looked differently or dressed up differently. However, for the most part, I love myself & the way I am. Thus, that's why its terrible that I don't care about gym or whatnot & consume whatever I like because I'm "maintaining" my weight.

I'm not one to dress up or can afford to dress up anyway so my wardrobe is usually the usual assortment of mix & match tops & bottoms with the sprinkling of dresses for the occasional occasion. The whole diet thing is ridiculous cause I love food too much, but no worries, I eat in moderation with the ever so often snacking/munchies. The whole unhealthy efforts to look thin takes too much effort to do things which I hate so no thank you. Whereas exercise, though good, malas (lazy) la! =S

I may not be thin or slim or slender that I can look good in anything i wear, but I am comfortable enough in my own skin. I'm not obese either so that's good. I'm in between with flabs thrown in certain parts, which I can easily conceal so that's good too. On the overall, so long as I maintain a size M/10 & is below 60kg, I am happy =) After all, God made us in the likeness of Him, no? So dissing ourselves mean dissing Him.

So love yourself & all your battles scars, cause they're what makes you unique & beautiful. Change nothing, start embracing instead. Spread the Love y'all! =)

PS: Just so you know, I am a contradicting hypocrite. What I say here right now at this time in this emotional state of mind may not be the same on a different day at a different time under different circumstances.