Bleargh!

Today is one of those days that I feel like going on a run. I've been bottling up everything, that I need to let out. Its been awhile since I felt like this, and I got to say, I don't miss this.

I want to go on a cupcake run, stuffing my face silly with the sugar frosting & chocolate chips & a multitude of flavors bursting on my tongue. I want to go on a chocolate run, popping one after the other into my mouth & chewing away my frustrations. Nope, not even going to wait & suck & savor, just chew my way through. I miss my alcohol runs that make my head spin & my heart beat faster & the world just fades away into numbness. I miss my book run where I get lost & immerse myself in a world of deceiving hope & fairytale endings or stories whose drama is worse than mine just so I won't feel so bad about myself. I want to go on a blog run, ranting & raving away just to scream it all out into words seemingly put together creatively. I want to go on a run where I won't know myself just to get away from it all. I want to go on a solitude run where I just talk to God & lie in His arms where I feel safe, untouchable & comfortable. I want to go on a run.

Sigh.

I feel so unproductive. I feel as though the world turns against me & regards me as incompetent. I feel so messy & chaotic, I'm dying for order & cleanliness. Its one of those days I feel like throwing out everything & not regretting anything. But I'm a hoarder, I hoard everything, I keep everything, I want to cling onto memories by the things I possess. Just lately I gave away a huge chunk of my book collection, all my complete series were parted from me. So sad but necessary. I've got to clear out my clothes soon as well as my bags. I need to not think too long & just throw everything out that I have second thoughts about. If I have to think about it, its not worth my effort. I have to get my life in order cause right now, right now I feel like I'm failing & I'm sinking yet again. I want a grip on life again.

My apologies for the rant. Work has been stressful lately cause everything's been piling up. These days make me realize & I'm shocked how childish some adults still are or how petty or inconsiderate some people are. It makes me realize how thin I can be stretched & how low my tolerance level can go & how not so resilient or tolerant I thought I was. I don't know if its the pressure or the stress, but its one of those days that everything & anything annoys the life out of me & its plain annoying. & now I'm just being really bratty & whiny, ugh!

Bleargh! This time blogging doesn't help. I need another way to vent or relax but how? Let's just hope these 2months pass by really quickly at work while slows down at home so I can savour & relish in the time I spend with my loved ones.

Tired now. Goodnight.