of nevers and wouldnts

if only tears were such a beautiful sight,
then maybe just maybe,
id be beautiful too.

of people and strangers i meet along the street,
those with whom i cant compete,
are the ones i’ll never greet,
id walk away than admit defeat.

of toned abs and sexy hips,
with smokey eyes and bee-stung lips,
legs so long that people trip,
of this girl it wouldn't fit.

of hips that sway so rhythmically,
and legs that run so effortlessly,
to fingers that strum so carelessly,
would only happen if but magically.

of unrestricted curfews and great company,
the girl who’d join in the very funny,
with conversation pieces aplenty,
you wont see her in this category.

of these things i wish to be,
are certainly things which are not me,
but mere wishes and dreams i’ll never see
just be old boring ms. amanda lee.

these reasons and more
why no one should adore
this girl is a sore
she’d only bring you gore.

i’ll never be good enough for anyone or anything. no matter how many times i tell myself or what i tell myself, it’ll never suffice. i’ll never have proper relationships or friendships. i’ll never be pretty enough or toned enough. i’ll never be able to let go of my past or addictions. i’ll never stop self-loathing or self-doubting. i’ll never find inner peace.
i’ll never stop having faith in God.

and with that, is my glimmer of light in the darkest moments.

sometimes, its better just to STFU.