My Heavy Heart

you tell me not to compare
but you do comparisons yourself

you treat me like a brat
when you say im a lady

you speak about others
but im much worse

gosh,
everything you fear for me
ive been there, done that
others have treated me terribly
and i have survived
secretly keeping the burden

i choose not to tell you things
so i wont crush your hearts
im not proud of myself
i never was
but i try to do the best i can
to make you think i was closest to perfect
the mask i wear just to see you happy

im dying to scream out
just to burst
and explain to you everything
to share my utmost
deepest darkest secrets
thats killing me inside
but i cant
not without losing you in the process
not without hurting you so bad
that it would scar you so deep, it wouldn't heal

i could answer a lot of your questions
i know you have a lot
i see the hurt in your eyes when i shun you away
i could explain
about my depression
about my behaviour
about why i am the way i am
but that is something i cant do

it feels wierd and sucky
that i cant turn to you
the one person i really wanna talk to
the one person i really need to talk to
gosh..

its you i need the most in times like this
and its you i cant seek solace from

im sorry i hurt you
i just wish we could've communicated better

...i really need you...