1. You cease to exist unless beckoned.
2. You do not initiate contact unless contacted.
3. You erase all evidence of existence.
4. You do not make known acknowledgment.
5. You accept your place of no place at all.
6. You play to every whim & fancy as subjected to.
7. You feign emotions & reactions to suit each arising situation.
8. You show no emotion once left.
9. You make no demands or requests unless they are asked of you to be made.
10. You will always be "the other" unless YOU put a stop to it.
Don't be played for a fool. Don't mistake advances for affection. Don't lose yourself to be someone/something you're not. Don't give in. Don't sacrifice yourself for stones when you're meant for precious gems.
I thank God.
Sunday, July 28, 2013
Tuesday, July 23, 2013
Hopeless & Overwhelmed
I used to know who I was. At least I thought I did. Damnit! It's been 2/3 years already & I'm still missing the me I was when I was with you. I was the best I could be. I'm so angry & so scared that I'll never be her again.
I was so happy. I looked forward to my everyday. I was motivated to look good & feel good & i felt good & confident in my own skin. Right now, I'm so upset with myself that I'm letting myself slip further & further away.
And it kills me to no end that I don't feel that way about her now. I love her to bits & I don't miss her & I don't feel sad when she's not around. I'm supposed to feel better. She completes me. But I don't & it upsets me.
I had plans. I wanted to be the supermom who was active & participative in her daughter's life. Instead it's evident how "big" a role I'm playing when she often chooses Dad over me. I don't know how to entertain my own daughter.
I don't know how to cope with the years to come. I know I can & I know I will. But the very thought of it overwhelms me. I have so much to do, so much I want to do. But I just feel so hopeless & overwhelmed by everything that I don't know where to start that I eventually just give up altogether.
Anyway, I'm alright, I will be alright! I'll make sure of that. It's just been awhile since I had a random burst of rant. Now I just hope my eyes don't puff up tomorrow eh? =P
Goodnight.
I was so happy. I looked forward to my everyday. I was motivated to look good & feel good & i felt good & confident in my own skin. Right now, I'm so upset with myself that I'm letting myself slip further & further away.
And it kills me to no end that I don't feel that way about her now. I love her to bits & I don't miss her & I don't feel sad when she's not around. I'm supposed to feel better. She completes me. But I don't & it upsets me.
I had plans. I wanted to be the supermom who was active & participative in her daughter's life. Instead it's evident how "big" a role I'm playing when she often chooses Dad over me. I don't know how to entertain my own daughter.
I don't know how to cope with the years to come. I know I can & I know I will. But the very thought of it overwhelms me. I have so much to do, so much I want to do. But I just feel so hopeless & overwhelmed by everything that I don't know where to start that I eventually just give up altogether.
Anyway, I'm alright, I will be alright! I'll make sure of that. It's just been awhile since I had a random burst of rant. Now I just hope my eyes don't puff up tomorrow eh? =P
Goodnight.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)