hectic chaotic past week

i havent had the time to update =(

Monday: went to Mid Valley with mum to get some stuff
Tuesday: went for movie @ OU & drinks @ Ming Tien
Wednesday: full day of classes
Thursday: lunch & movie @ OU
Friday: Shopping with Asha @ Mid Valley, Halo Bali @night
Saturday: spent whole day at hospital
Sunday: church then friend’s 21st @his house & after party @ Halo Bali
Monday: spent whole day doing housechores

wonders how she’s gonna get motivated to study with all the distractions around?

im locking you outta my heart
but you always get stuck midway

taken for granted-not!

*mum would never read this
so im safe =P*

i was waiting for her as usual
at the usual spot
she’s usually on time
yet there was no sign of her
instead he picked me
saying she was sick

worry set in
how was she?
was she alright?
where was she?
what was she doing?
how sick was she that she couldn’t pick me?

got back
only to find her
lying in bed
burning up ridiculously high
she slept until evening

he brought her to the clinic
was worried if it was the flu
thank God it wasn’t

she came home
plopped onto bed
couldn’t get up
to make things worse
her back started acting up

as i fed her her cold porridge
she was wincing in pain
biting back her pain and tears
i watched silently
helpless at what to do

ive never seen her like that
to have pain etched in her features
unable to even eat
to silently sob into the pillow
so as to not worry us

i left her there to sleep
trying not to worry about her
placed her phone beside her
telling her what she always tells me
”call me if anything, im just a door away”

as she slept
i did what i don’t usually do
washed the dishes
picked up someone
took in the clothes

at 12
she walks out
looking better than before
slight fever
she finished the bowl of her porridge
i finished the rest

guess what she did?
especially after she just recovered
- she ate chocolate!

that made me feel a whole lot better! =)
so yea, she’s better now

*she just woke up again to take panadol
fever’s striking back again* =(

nonchalance

i don’t care anymore
(i just suppress what i feel)

i don’t bother anymore
(i turn a blind eye)

i don’t feel for you anymore
(or at least i try to)

i stay away from you
i keep my distance

call me a coward for doing this
for seemingly running away
but its the best way i know how to cope
while still maintaining the friendship

so yea,
im trying my best
to be as calm and collected as i can be

to be nonchalant towards you

my hopeless dream

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should have known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do
-Almost Lover by A Fine Frenzy

i wish i could turn my back on you
(you have no idea)
i wish i could stop grinning at the sight of your smile
i wish i could stop my racing heart whenever im near you
i wish i could stop getting all jitterishly excited whenever you contact me
i wish i could stop jumping at the opportunities to be with you
i wish i could not hang onto you
i wish i didnt get hurt with each word you speak
i wish i didnt imagine how it’d be like to be with you
i wish id stop hoping for hope
i wish you’d stop affecting me the way you do
i wish i meant more to you

i wish i were yours =(

the things i know about you…hurts.

i know you’d never get excited over me
the way i get over you

i know you’d never think of including me in your plans
the way i try to include you in mine

i know you’d try your best not to meet me
when i try my best to do otherwise

i know i never cross your mind at all
when you’re constantly in mine

i know i place too much hope in you
cause you always to dash it

i know you think im just doing you favors
when i actually enjoy doing it

i know you're just doing me favors when you say yes
it hurts, but i’ll take what i can get

i know you think i dont know
that you know that i feel for you
when i actually do

i know you’re not doing anything about it
and just acting dumb and playing along
its okay, im doing the same too

i know i’ll never mean anything more than a friend to you
though im hoping for so much more

i know im being a fool for hanging on to you
i should move on to those who actually feel for me
but i cant seem to

cant you see what im letting you do to me?
fallen in love with someone who doesnt love me back
and im still on this ride of unrequited love

i feel like such a fool

bloody effing scales!

*gasps* this cannot be happening!! *stares in horror*

i have never reached this before
why now??? =(

this cannot happen!
this is what happens when i slack around too much! =(

must start f-ing losing weight!!

x0kg is SO not my number!

self-note:
start a damn weight plan already!

Superb Sunday!

i woke up all sleepy today, could hardly open up my eyes.

i started on my weekly sunday routine, got ready, chose my clothes, did my makeup, drank my milo…im usually ten minutes or more late, this time, i managed to be slightly earlier..

i participated in mass..well, sort of…excluding the occasional “nods in agreement”…i sang (softly)…i responded…even Aaron sat with us & A.Hazel (for those who don’t know, thats rare as he always sits different place)

then, we met up with the kids (Kimberly & Kaylyn) and the family (and Godma)…wanted to go Campbell Street for “Asianized” western breakfast, but it was too crowded so ended up at Jalan Alor for beef noodles instead =P

we then headed home..

after which, while the ladies went to the “Fun & Cheer” warehouse…the kids & I went to One Utama (intending to watch 17again)..

once we reached Ou, we immediately went to the cinema only to find out that the tickets were going fast and only front row seats were available (which were bad)..tried Night At The Musuem 2 but sold out as well.. didn’t try Monsters VS Aliens cause i watched it already (wasnt really wow)..so we ended up with Hannah Montana (which they have already watched but wished to watch again)..we ended up with back row seats which were great =)

so while killing time, we walked around the shops.. (rather, i walked and dragged them along =P)…then we ended up in Italiannies for tea (the kids were hungry & so was I)…we had Shrimp Linguini, creme Brulee & Frozen Ocean (all of which to die for..hehe)..we had a good laugh during that time cause we were goofing around..

then the show began =) we bought a small coke & snuck in Chipster and m&ms…hehe..so we were pigging out while watching too…i kept laughing so loud throughout the show (i surprsingly didn't care about my surroundings =P)..anyway, the show was not bad =) (yes, im still a tween fan..lol..sue me eh?)

we then had dinner at carls jr… where we shared two burgers between the three of us.. =)

came back home to find nice people i look forward to online…which is great =)

an old picture i found of us
my lovely girls have since grown up beautifully =)

all in all, i loved my Sunday!

There's always going to be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose,
Ain't about how fast I get there,
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb

of past blogs and present situations

i was looking through my old blog that day and i realized i wrote far more than i do these days (i wonder if that's a good or bad thing?). but to me, i sounded very self-absorbed those days =P and had too much time on my hand, cause i sure did a lot of word editing in those days.

anyway, moving on…

i really should be studying,
considering that my midterm is tomorrow
but my procrastination and laziness kicks in
so here i am blogging…lalala…lol

lets just take a quick look at what's been going on in my life aite? yes, im going to sound very self-centered from this point onwards in this post =P

im taking two subjects in college this semester (short semester of only 7weeks). both of which looks at child, adolescence and adult development which is very interesting =) because its very much applicable and gives me a lot to think about, especially about how i grew up and how i am now still growing and things like that.

im still single ever since my breakup mid last year. am crushing on someone but i know things won’t work out cause im only a very close friend in the person’s eyes (so i aint ruining that friendship with my silly nonsencial whims of fancy). so am trying very much to get over the person and be open to other possibilities.

i think and i hope im closer to my family these days. things have been up and down with mum and i (especially in terms of curfews) but its been okay so far. dad has been his usual quiet reserved self =) bro has his own mood swings (nice when he wants to be, and moody otherwise). oh btw, he apparently thinks im a bimbo =( cause of my lack of common sense (trust me, he’s not the first who said it =( am i really so terrible as such?)

im still lacking in my faith. but am trying to make it a point to say a prayer whenever i remember (especially in the mornings, nights and mealtimes). im also responding in mass again these days, compared to my usual silent observation of everything. sigh, the one thing i really need to do in this department is go for confession =(

ive lost faith in some friends but still maintain the friendship. but ive also gained new friends who surprisingly are so easy to talk to and enjoyable too! ive also grown closer to some friends, whom im ever so blessed to have known and gained as friends.

i still procrastinate a lot and still have not accomplished some goals of mine =( my room’s still in a mess, ive yet to clear my table for its proper usage, im still lacking proper exercise, ive yet to sort out my computer files and folders as well as my books, ive yet to collect the whole absolut range, ive yet to go window shopping in such a long while, ive yet to take pictures of everything i want to, ive yet to find a photographer, etc etc etc..

i still teach sunday school and im loving every minute of it! though i wish i knew how to handle this year’s kids =( really adorable bright children who are just too hyperactive and inattentive..sigh..God help me?!

i still have no idea what to do for my 21st birthday! =( perfect day. i’ve got food sorted out. but i’ve yet to choose a place, theme and guest list =(

so all in all, my life right now
like my room (in pic above)
is in a pretty huge mess
that needs a huge load of sorting! =P

toodles…

when can i next see you?!
i can’t hardly wait…