Lenten Sacrifice

Lent is about to end in about less than two weeks time.

many have sacrificed for lent,
from giving up certain food or drinks
to stopping or pausing their addictions
to growing a beard
to doing charity work

What have i sacrificed? .nothing.
Why? I dont know, i just dont feel like it.
its like, i feel like its not big enough a sacrifice
to make it feel worthwhile
doesnt feel personal enough

so, what would my ultimate sacrifice be?
it would be the one thing i have been avoiding.
hopefully i'l pull through this time,
few years are years too long.

 

i hope and pray that i can go through with it.

Wondering Aloud...

so what if i do feel for you?
so what if i want to get close to you?
so what if i like being close to you?
so what if i enjoy the attention you're giving me?
so what if i like teasing you?
so what if i like the way i am in your arms?
so what if i like holding your hands?
so what if i like kissing you?
so what if i like holding you close?

what so wrong in wanting and liking you?
so what if i want to be more than friends?
so what if i want the traditional relationship?

so what if you dont feel for me?
so what if you want nothing more?
so what if you want nothing further?
so what if the traditional way will never work out?
what if i dont care?
what if i dont mind?

what if im very well aware of the risks involved?
what if i know that things would never work out?
what if i want it anyway?
what if im loving what i have?

why worry about what ifs?
why not just live the moment?
why not just see where this takes you and me?
what if it turns out good?

why not we respect the boundaries we set?
why not we initiate the rules firstly?
why not you stop worrying about me?
why not think that i can deal with it instead?

why think about the negatives?
when you can think of the positives?
why would we be stupid enough to throw away a wonderful friendship just cause of an awkward situation?
would you truly do that?
would you truly want it to turn out that way?
what if we made sure it doesn't get messed up?

if you're worried about hurting me,
what if i said you won't?
what if i told you i've handled far worse situations before?
what if i told you that just as you can purposely emotionally detach yourself from things, so can i?
what if i told you im totally fine if you eventually get yourself a partner?

whats wrong with thinking of this as a temp relationship until one of us finds an actual partner?
whats wrong if we do end up together?
is it really that bad? lol..

what if i said id totally back off this idea if you're not into it?
what if i said id respect whatever decision might be?

what if what im trying to say is that so long as we have mutual understanding and boundaries and mutual respect and open to one another that this idea might actually work out?
and what if i said seriously, what so wrong about feeling for someone in this idea?
would it really be mess everything up?
what if i said that it'll be okay?

what if i told you that id love to know what you think?
what if i said could you please reply me your views in this?

big f***ing liar!

i am the biggest f***ing liar you've ever known.

little do you know
i've been lying straight from the start
lying to you,to me,to everybody.

i tell so many lies,
i cant even keep track anymore
that life itself feels like a f***ing lie!

i messed up big time in life
its just that no one knows
everything i say or do
is a contradiction of the truth

don't trust the things i say
nor the things i do
not even the things i write
or the way i look
for what you see hear and feel
is actually a big f***ing lie!

Painting the town red

After arguing with two people
and a surprise from the same people
and a little misunderstanding at MOS
we ended up at MIST =)

lame as it sounds
my FIRST time clubbing! for real!
YAY! lol...

anyway,
things could've been better
in certain areas,
but im not complaining =)

so these are the results of great company and a curfew-less night!
(thats the best part for me!) :

 

 

thanks for coming people!! we must do it again k? =))

you doing the things you do

 

i hate taking notice of the little things
the little things that you do
things you do that you dont even know
you dont even know what i realise
what i realise is everything about you

you think its alright
alright to do so
to do something nonchalantly
so nonchalantly that its nothing
nothing to you, but not to me
not to me as i feel for you
feel for you like never before
never before am i so hung up
hung up over a person like you

you've got my heart pumping
pumping while its spinning
spinning and dizzying
dizzying and confusing
confusing as you're sending me mixed signals
signals that say yes and no
yes and no without reasons why

why cant you tell me
tell me once and for all
once and for all, if its yes or no
yes or no so i wont be left hanging.

Latest Addiction

Fashion Wars on Facebook!!

can't seem to get enough!! =)

if anyone interested,
please join my posse

add the application
then add me to your posse
together we can bring down the rest!

The Name Game Song

Mandy!
Mandy, Mandy
Bo, Bandy
Banana, Fanna, Foe, Fandy,
Fee, Fie, Moe, Andy,
Mandy!

Now everybody play!
cool game!
instructions are in the lyrics

check out my other blog for the lyrics =)
The Name Game

Get Outta Me, not

you messed with my mind
you stirred my heart
you mixed my emotions
how do i get you out of me? not.

you intruded my mind
kept running through my thoughts
placed yourself there
and refused to get out
with no intention to leave

you invaded my heart
a silent thief
crept in without me knowing
pulled at its strings
and kidnapped it as your own

you intoxicated my skin
tingled your way on its edges
leaving goosebumps along the way
trailing a sensation that doesnt wash off
as though saying im with you always

 

so tell me
how do i get you out of me
when part of me, you've become?
but then again,
i want you out? not.

walk down memory lane

attended a talk today
about LIFE + FAITH

Sister Pat
referred to a lot of Psychology theories
(yes, i am proudly saying i understood on a deeper level)
she mentioned Jung & his dream interpretations
Freud when she brought in childhood memories
i think Erikson for his developmental stages

it made me look back on my own life
what had happened
who i was
and who i am today
because of everything that had happened

questions asked today were:

1. name things that were important to you throughout different stages of your life.
2. what burdens you?
3. where do you turn to for support?
4. what did we learn today?

lets walk down memory lane eh?

Primary school = Friendship
of cliques and fights and everyday tears
of who's friends with who
and showing off who's better
(true friends still keep close until today)

Secondary school = Love & Depression
of boys and crushes
of finding your true friends
of falling in and out of love
of my "trouble" and depression

Now = Path In Life
of finding myself and being sure
of choosing the right career path
of stabilizing my emotions

Any regrets?
yes, a few,
but then again, no
whatever happened, happened
good or bad,
i wouldnt change it for the world
what didnt break me
only made me stronger
and here i am today,
because of my past,
alive, well and stronger than ever.

(im trying the new diet - "positivity")

this is me missing you

i know you know how i feel about you
you're just not stating the obvious
im not too sure if thats good or bad though

i wish i could talk to you about this
im struggling to keep my feelings at bay
tempted to go back to my old methods
of just blurt and forget immediately after =P
but i know you'd rather not know
and would rather not talk about it - ever.

i know i should shake off what i feel
as i know you dont feel the same way
you've made it quite obvious
but its hard,
cause each step of the day,
im falling deeper into this complication

though i would like to know why
but wait, dont think me OCD just yet
i mean, it would be nice to know why
im not your type?
or circumstances?
or im just a friend, a sister-like even?

sometimes id fool myself
thinking about if you did like me
bask in self-conceitedness
and say- maybe you do feel the same
you're just afraid?
or you think you're not my type?
or that it'll be hard due to circumstances?

why do i want you so much?
it doesnt make sense
this isnt like me
if i know things wont work out,
id back out asap
so why are things so hard with you?

i guess i just need to hear a no,
provides closure, dont you think?
or maybe reassurance
that you've got all the right reasons
and are still the man i thought you are
not just a tom dick or harry.

it pains me to say
with all your best of intentions
and your flow of innocence
you've kidnapped my heart
and made it yours
now life is just so complicated
with and without you in it.

My Online Etiquette

when im happy,
i go =)

when im sad,
i go =(

when im joking,
i go =P

my sentences
always end with "..."

my statements
always seem to have " ? "
even when im not asking anything

im weird like that =P

I <3 Drinking!

the beers

the vodkas (My ultimate favourite!)

The bottled cocktails
 

The wines

 

my current collection:

-kahlua, gin, vodka-

my favourite mixes are:
Vodka Zappel, Gin Tonic, Baileys 

in my lifetime,
due to drinking,
I've only passed out twice =)

 (for those who know what happened,
keep it that way, known only to yourselves)

The Genting Trip =)

Full details cant be disclosed
for safety reasons ;)

anyway,
my girls and guys from church
decide to head up to Genting one day =)
after some haphazard planning
and last minute shopping

we spent the night
at Genting View Resort
danced, talked, drank & cam-whored the night away 
with lots of leftover food =P

here are the pictures :

the so called "ladies man"..hahaha

the dance of the century

the Choki fascination:

the aftermath

us girls the next day

the ones i can count on the most

 

and for you people's entertainment out there,
the most embarrassing pic of all:

The night

you kissed me that night
it just felt so right
it took all my might
to keep things light

we did more than kiss
with a little more excuse me miss
with you being such a tease
it was hard not to please

ive never felt the way i did
a spark within me you lit
how the pieces all seem to fit
the desires implicit
were now explicit
but who was i trying to kid?

before things got out of hand
you called things to an end
though further was your intent
you stepped up and "be a man"

you kept saying "sorry"
i repeated "dont worry"
then everything went by in a hurry
before i knew it, it was all blurry

funny thing is,
i didnt find anything amiss
to me,it was perfect bliss
it should be forever, moments like this

i hope you feel no regret
i hope you wouldnt fret
i hope you i didnt upset
for that night my mind was set
into my heart i had you let
and all my dreams met
the best thing i could ever get