Boredom Blues

am stuck in an exciting place
the land of the orient pearl
where sun, sea, breeze is abundant

but where am i when im there?
what am i doing instead?

stuck at home
doing nothing
not even shopping =(

bored bored bored!

My Heavy Heart

you tell me not to compare
but you do comparisons yourself

you treat me like a brat
when you say im a lady

you speak about others
but im much worse

gosh,
everything you fear for me
ive been there, done that
others have treated me terribly
and i have survived
secretly keeping the burden

i choose not to tell you things
so i wont crush your hearts
im not proud of myself
i never was
but i try to do the best i can
to make you think i was closest to perfect
the mask i wear just to see you happy

im dying to scream out
just to burst
and explain to you everything
to share my utmost
deepest darkest secrets
thats killing me inside
but i cant
not without losing you in the process
not without hurting you so bad
that it would scar you so deep, it wouldn't heal

i could answer a lot of your questions
i know you have a lot
i see the hurt in your eyes when i shun you away
i could explain
about my depression
about my behaviour
about why i am the way i am
but that is something i cant do

it feels wierd and sucky
that i cant turn to you
the one person i really wanna talk to
the one person i really need to talk to
gosh..

its you i need the most in times like this
and its you i cant seek solace from

im sorry i hurt you
i just wish we could've communicated better

...i really need you...

Seriously Serious

these are the hobbies
id really love to take up seriously
as in better myself at these things
though i really lack the creative gene

1. Photography
   • I've got the pro camera
   • i lack the creative composition angles
2. Ballroom Dancing (preferably Latin)
   • i got two left feet
   • and i've got no rhythm whatsoever
3. Scrapbooking
   • i've got the materials
   • im willing to invest time and finances
   • but once again, i lack the creativity
     as im too rigid

commitment is nothing without creativity
or at least thats what i think.

The weight of college

at the end of the day
there are red streaks on my shoulder
my arms are either strengthened
or weakened beyond its capability

i wonder
what do i have in my bag?
to the point where its so heavy?

if my poor arm is suffering
can you imagine how the bag feels? =P
as my dear friend nicely said it:
"Bags are meant to be tortured" =)

so one day i checked,
and these are what i found:

I've got:
keys, comb, handphones, tissue, Ipod, sweets, pencilbox, bottle, notebooks, planner, umbrella, wallet, compact powder.

sheesh, no wonder why its so heavy..

poor bag of mine,
stuffed like a turkey

New Me Needs New Looks

What do you think?? =)

Nice? Credit goes to suckmylolly.com for the lovely lovely template!!

im gonna have a new outlook on things
and for once,
im gonna do whats best for me.

 

Happiness so far! =)

truth? or not?

i had someone once describe myself to me
every description fit me perfectly
spoke of things that i didn't even realize about myself
caught me off-guard by how true those words were

at that precise moment
i wonder to myself
in this unbelievable moment
does this person really truly indeed understand me?
a soul mate who knows me better than you know myself?!

or...
have i heard what was said
so many times
over and over
so much so
that i start to believe it myself?
even if its not true of me?\

The questions i ask are:

1. Is this truly the ONE for me? the one who understands me perfectly? the one I'm destined to be with?
2. -OR- has this person conditioned me to what the person wanted me to be? someone completely not me?

I hate myself when i question myself like this
it just shows how much i dont know myself

SIGH...

Sweet nothings

how i wish to hear those words again
whispered ever so gently and softly
tickling my ears
spreading warmth thru my whole body

as though those very words
caresses me
ever so carefully lifts me
and sheaths me
in a cocoon of love, trust and security

giving me hope
i might not be so worthless after all
i am cherished and appreciated after all
there is a glimmer of good within this wretched soul
making me burst forth with a surprising confidence
saving me from the clutches of my past

won't you say it to me again?
mesmerize me with sweet nothings again
make me believe in those seemingly true words

make me worthy again.

Secrets

i the secret keeper
keeps secrets aplenty
from measly to huge

others secrets
from girlfriend gossips
to boyfriend bollocks
to relationship rocks
to family findings
to fashion fiascos
to private pieces

my whole world
seems to be built upon secrets

my emotions
my feelings
my thoughts
my actions
my stories
my persona
is all a huge secret

so much so
that i start to lose touch of reality
lose my sense of discrimination
whats real, and whats not

but those secrets
safe and sound
sealed within my very lips
whispers softly only in me

Resolution of 2009

My one and only resolution:

-I resolute nothing-

Come what may

Im done
guessing, wishing and hoping
only to be disappointed

I intend to:
Live life to the fullest
and have no regrets to hold me back.

 

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2009!